Open Letter to an Ex
July 20th, 2007
S***,
There are so many reasons why I write this letter and only one why I’d never send it to you. You simply don’t care. I wrote you an email once to ask what happened. Why you had lied to me as to what reason there was to leave me. Why you never talked to me. And how I felt. You never responded. So, when I saw you online then and asked you directly if you had gotten the email, your response was a simple, “I wasn’t sure what to say.”
W.
T.
F.
?
Seriously, thanks for that. It made it much easier to determine that you never gave a rat’s ass for my feelings, my interests, and anything else that pertained to me. 5 years I don’t regret still took 2.5 years to get over. 2 and a half years of wondering and hoping before I finally realized that those hopes were ungrounded. 50% of our time together added to the end to make me aware of how I’d been manipulated and fooled. I was happy then so I don’t wish it hadn’t happened, but I still feel betrayed and abandoned. Well, at least I did. I finally let go a while back. Let go completely of any shred of longing that had remained.
I saw you online tonight and I was glad that there was no chance that you’d try to talk to me (save for needing a computer problem fixed). I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I don’t want to know what’s happening with your family, because I know you don’t really care about mine. I don’t want to feel obligated to ask how you’re doing and so on because I know you will never feel the need to do the same for me.
I don’t think I’m angry at you for the relationship, but rather that you see so little value in me now that I wonder if you ever did… I hope that I mattered at least at the beginning. However, perhaps not. I don’t know what you felt and since you’ll never answer me, I never will.
A part of me will miss those days but never want to return to them. I appreciate the experiences that I was able to share, and I hope that at least a small part of you does too. In the end, it doesn’t really matter though. Life goes on and all the assorted junk with it. I am glad to have this out and not have to rewrite it in my head when I shower, drive by myself, or get lost in my thoughts.
later,
-ben
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